Five months have thundered their heavy hooves along the fields of discovery. I looked back and found on top of being blessed with the safe delivery of our child, we finally got to experience the ride of parenthood, which sees you stop figuring things out and kindly push you to be more aggressive in pursuing instead. You realise that it's not really about finding out one answer and pretty much fold up shop. I got to become a lot more comfortable with an attitude of discovering along the way that "answers" can evolve from one form to another depending on the situation.
Otherwise, some mothers really never leave the house and get everything online!
Not that something is wrong with online purchase but one can perceived the necessity of getting dangerously sucked into housebound existence. I found that my awareness has never been this heightened and my inner radar to make a more conscious effort to get out into the sunny air becomes an act of genuine pursuit for self happiness. In short, basic nurturing of the soul translates to my being able to be there for my daughter and husband, the core of my life.
Funny how you grow a little each day. Some days you embrace your feminine strength, some days you reach out to your fellow women for assurance and communal belief. Some days you shy away from what contrasts with your instincts, others you dive in to explore.
I'm finding that I've never been more challenged in keeping sight of my goals although pacing them in a manner to appreciate its simple moments is still at times, a struggle. After all I have been guilty of trying to get it all done.
Silly me, only to be reminded that you can never get it all done.
I also realise that I am never truly alone now. And no matter what happens, that little cherub face that has grown into a blossoming happiness of mine, will always have those swirling pools of chocolate affection staring through her amazingly long eyelashes affirming that even one day, when that day comes some day, I may utter "Young lady, I am going to get crossed with you...", you know that this little human you've made will stick her tongue out and probably get into trouble when her papa comes home - will always look back at you for that special kind of love that only you can provide for her. It's a full time act of awareness, consciousness and full responsibility of choices to be made. But she'll always look back knowing that you have and always will be there.
Always.
