Another day, another long ending with the mandatory chai and breezy lullaby of the sea.
I realise it can get pretty iffy when we discuss about the shoulds and shouldn'ts but again, it'll be quite boring if we all agree isn't it? Agree? (smile).
Hubby and I had a mini "graduation" today where we had the opportunity to join in a morning session of yoga, on top of the arvo round. I walked off the mat conquering two of my niggling doubts - the head stand and the crow asana - lingering like a bad after taste for many years with a better understanding of getting past my own fears, finding my own balance, and trusting your teacher and yourself. There wasn't any pom. It was simple. Attempt. Take it slow, it's fine if you need to do it another day.
I found that I had been rushing through my life for so long. I didn't even become aware that I had been shifting through good and bad thoughts clearly, like an overworked secretary in a dimly lit filing room (thick glasses and pencil stuck in the bun, and all that). To the rest of the world, this may sound like all rubbish and light air, but it was a case of "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear". A resounding quote I read today.
My mind began the day in the most quiet sanctuary of the early morning silence. The blackness of the sky yawned open like a chasm, threatening to swallow even a flick of a breath thrown out away. I was confused that while meditating, good thoughts, random thoughts, useless ones and even some bad memories kept flooding like a chaotic river that had overflown from the monsoon rain. But I learned very much later upon consulting my guru that the realisation itself is an achievement. We know, we become aware. We don't hold or push on, we just let it be as it is.
A very, very strange feeling. But a profound one. And in time, clarity is achieved by a gradual cutting off of any irrelevant, unproductive thoughts. Yet I don't (for a long time, the first time) get anxious over the "what if" or "what will" - sort of like, you'll know how to cross the bridge when you stand upon it. It's not slacking off, it's choosing how to channel your finite energy smartly and consciously in a positive way.
Mindful (pun intended) that I may sound like a motivational / spiritual / new age (gasp!) speaker, I underline that I'm not heading towards the incense burning, Om-chanting, bell jingling facade. That space had become quite crowded of late, with what's already too little real practitioners now fading away amongst the swarm of pretension, the me-too, the fake prophets. Just because you don a robe doesn't make you any closer to a nirvana professor. I don't know, maybe I'm getting a bit jaded seeing so much proliferation and abuse of what's been a long living tradition of the Indian religious and cultural diversity. It's unfortunately, been further peppered and salted up in a brew of toxic money spinning schemes that corrupted the very pure essence of its beauty.
What happened to me today, perhaps it's weird lucky coincidence. But I do believe that somewhere up there in a place far, far away from physical conceptualisation but close to heart in a holistic way, the Big Chief is looking after me and has brought me back to where I should be at this moment. I find myself in a beautiful beach hangout yet my mind soaked in more warmth than all the sun baking anyone could possibly do. I still don't know how to put a finger to it, in fact, it feels strange writing this but I feel it's important that I put it down to words. At times I see myself looking back at me, sort of seeing myself for the first time as how it is.
It's not magic. It's not holy water. It's not too much time in the sun. Sometimes inexplicable things happen at the most unexpected hour. I think mine just hit me. It'll take some time to sink in. The intangible affecting a lot of tangible, significant parts of the you in yourself. Maybe it's learning to cut the pie pieces in different portions again, maybe it's prioritising the important in a new way. Overall, it's like cutting off and stitching a new fabric thoroughly again. It's the same you but it's different still.
Cool, ain't it?
