It's going to be one in the morning before I finish this sentence (and I just saw the hand moved!) but what do you do when it's one of those nights?
One of those that no matter how many tracks you play on your iTune "soothing" playlist, you just are not falling into the gentle embrace of dreamland? I got up, packed (or shall I say re-packed?) my boxes of clothes that are supposed to be going into storage when we hit the road again, I made some snack, I read, I doodled, I planned for tomorrow (which is essentially today) and I just am completely in an utter loss of what to do to induce my much needed sleep.
I kicked some real dust today at my weights workout, I felt like a million electrons were fired into my system and felt good enough to knock over some healthy dinner and fruits. Watched the lousy local news channel before retiring into a cool evening of post-storm effect.
And I am still not sleepy. Tired, yes. And I am not even sure if this qualifies me as an insomniac. Apparently I do have some slight problem sustaining sleep, hence I could go on forever waking up but doesn't that happen after I fall asleep first? This is not going well...
I get told so much - just sweat it out, don't workout too hard / so much before bedtime, don't eat after 7pm, don't think too much, just meditate, and I think I am actually... at this point, getting a bit melancholy listening to one of my favourite tunes "Secrets" from The First Chemical Element II Album. Perfect, instead of feeling sleepy, I am feeling on the verge of crying for humanity.
Okay, with a tired / non-sleepy / alert / trying-not-to-slide-into-musically-triggered-emo mindset, I got a piece of good news to share: Grandma is fine and ready to wollup the lot (as quoted by my dear brother-in-law).
I got a bucket-load of things to consider. My performance at the examination in 48 hours, I just want to get it over and done with, I am excited to perform, I can't sleep, we are going diving again, I want to sleep, I still haven't finish finalising my India shortlist, I am getting sleepy a bit, and just... sigh, restless, feeling restless and really at that.
Sorry guys, I am definitely not at my best when I get snagged in catch 22 situations. My mind tells me I need to be already sleeping because I need to stay awake for all the things I need to be doing in the daytime, yet I can't really make myself sleep.
Frustration.
But here's the rest of where I wandered around in Scotland. Maybe that's it. I am just not that good sitting at home, working on sleep. I need to be out there, somehow. But it's fun writing up what I remembered from this trip. Scotland really changed my perspective on things around me. A part of me wondered sometimes if I would render my 2-month trip incomplete if I didn't see Scotland. As you would know that we landed in Edinburgh and moved ourselves up towards the North on the West Coast. Obviously there were a lot of magnificent steeps replicas of towering marvels, lakes and spreading horizons. But what made the entire trip priceless was the opportunity to camp in the wilderness and met so many different people, mixed in where the locals do and got to know the group or the single traveller, Scottish or otherwise, everyone with a tale to tell, with somewhere to go, something to do. Our little tent braved a high graded storm overnight, we didn't wake up to find ourselves on a tree top, we took a dunk into the river (and it was cold like cold was meant to be), we went to miles of distance with nobody in sight. We made so many memories that no writing or paint could revive, unless you close your eyes and dream yourself back at the banks of those waters, with the gentle mist closing in your view only to let you in on a shy glimpse of what may lay ahead.
Not funny now. I am actually talking to myself!
